Acceptance? Never.... Love? Equally unlikely.

i got to thinking of the $200 I had saved to buy my family each.  I felt so bad about how I've treated them, I bought myself one of these

I bought myself a Kindle Fire instead.  Now if my mom wants to call me cold, selfish, and a bitch, at least she'll be close.  Oh, and carry on about how I can't afford it.


But you guys got to check these things out---they are  sweet......
http://www.amazon.com/Kindle-Fire-Amazon-Tablet/dp/B0051VVOB2/ref=amb_link_359250382_2?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-1&pf_rd_r=1G316E6AP24CQ633ZP4C&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1340226322&pf_rd_i=507846


My heart FELT small and my heart WAS FEELING broken~but anyone who gets spoken to by their parents in this manner:

Court order aside; it's over 1 year old now; I have to re-file....seems pointless given repeated violations and the fact that I am unlikely to see her again..since she leaves for Florida 


But with respect to the voicemail and the proposed shopping trip:

• I never said that I didn't want to go.
• What I said was that I wanted to wear my "Coast Guard" t-shirt
• but any pants would need to be material I could tolerate without severe pain, as I would wear them for >4 hours.

But does a daughter's ache when her mother says 

• "Fuck you you goddamned whore!""
• "You're a fucking bitch..."
• "I hate you--you are a pain in the ass."
• "You are so fucking crazy they will  never find the right medication because you are so fucking stupid---assed nuts there will never exist a medication to treat 'crazy bitchy;'
• "You don't know shit about shit, and your medical problems is just a huge amount of imaginary BULLSHIT."

My mother said all of those.......


My stepmother: With the RSD;

• I tell her I have RSD
• I show her the letter from the www.rsdhope.org
• I send info on ME and on RSD
• I hear her say she has read it
• She even says she is "worried"

But when she shows up:

• We go from Winco
• Straight to Costco
• Then to Right Aide
• To about five different stores......
• Then to Walmart to shop for clothes "I need" 
• none are things I can tolerate
• I want to rip them off within and sit in my chair naked.

Then she shows up a day or two later with groceries, smiling, presents.  What is with that?  Drive me into the ground until I am dead, and then smile pretty for the camera??


It really does make me feel like a whore to accept it, so I do my level best not to.  I avoid her, and I try to stay the hell off the map...  Christmas???  For them??  A nice e-card, pop a valium, and enjoy what I BOUGHT MYSELF: